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Chico1856
StatFox Hall of Famer
Registered: Sep 2005
Posts: 6165
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First-year students at Veterinary school were receiving their
first anatomy class, with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the
surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor
started the class by telling them, "In Veterinary Medicine it is
necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: The first is
that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal body." For
an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the
butt of the dead cow, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth."
Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students
freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns
sticking a finger in the anal opening of the dead cow and sucking on it.
When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, "The
second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle
finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention.
Life's tough; it's even tougher if you're stupid."
http://unmetneeds.com/
LIFE: Sometimes you're the baby, sometimes you're the diaper
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05-28-08 07:47 PM |
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31bullets
FoxDen Hall of Famer
Registered: Nov 2006
Posts: 4381
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*Subject:* Spaghetti
For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One
night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to
ruin his
reputation or his marriage, He paid her a large sum of money if she
would
go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise
the child, he would also provide child support until the child
turned 18. She
agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.
To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and
write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the child
support
payments to begin.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused
wife. 'Honey, she said, You received a very strange post card today.'
'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said. The
wife obeyed
and watched as her husband read the card, turned white , and fainted.
On the card was written:
'Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.
Three with meatballs, two without.
Send extra sauce
"If you're not gonna be a part of a civil society, then just get in your car and drive on over to the East Side.." Cosmo Kramer
"Giddy-up!" --Kramer
"Lets make some music, make some money, find some models for wives...."MGMT
If your dog won't jump off a dock, it is just a mutt
ozarkmountaindockdogs@gmail.com
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05-31-08 01:19 AM |
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tdbabe
StatFox Hall of Famer
Registered: Oct 2003
Posts: 7262
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MY PRIVATE PARTS DIED
An old man, Mr. Wallace, was living in a nursing home.
One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed.
Nurse Tracy asked him if there was anything wrong,
'Yes, Nurse Tracy ,' said Mr. Wallace.
'My Private Part died today, and I am very sad.'
Knowing her patients were a little forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied, 'Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Wallace. Please accept my condolences.'
The following day, Mr. Wallace was walking down the hall with his Private Part hanging out of his pajamas.
He met Nurse Tracy. 'Mr. Wallace,' she said, 'You shouldn't be walking down the hall like that.
'Please put your Private Part back inside your pajamas.'
'But, Nurse Tracy I can't,' replied Mr. Wallace. 'I told you yesterday that my Private Part died.
'Yes,' said Nurse Tracy, 'you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?'
> (You've gotta love this ....)
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> 'Well,' he replied, 'Today is the viewing.'
Please view this site. Donations of any kind are always appreciated by these brave people.
http://www.anysoldier.com/index.cfm
America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the Mall. If you don't stand behind our troops, PLEASE feel free to stand in front of them!
Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.
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05-31-08 03:15 AM |
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31bullets
FoxDen Hall of Famer
Registered: Nov 2006
Posts: 4381
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One morning, three Cajuns and three Yankees were in a ticket line at a train station. The three Northerners each bought a ticket and watched as the three Cajuns bought just one ticket.
'How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket asked one of the Yankees.
'Watch and learn,' answered one of the boys from the Louisiana.
All six boarded the train where the three Yankees sat down, but the three Cajuns crammed into a toilet together and closed the door.
Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around to collect tickets.
He knocked on the toilet door and said, 'Ticket, please.' The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The conductor took it and moved on.
The Yankees saw this happen and agreed it was quite a clever idea. Indeed, so clever they decided to do the same thing on the return trip and save some money.
That afternoon when they got back to the station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip and watched, while to their astonishment, the three Cajuns didn't buy even one ticket.
'How are you going to travel without a ticket?' asked one of the perplexed Yankees.
'Watch and learn,' answered the three Cajun boys in unison.
When they boarded the train, the three Northerners crammed themselves into a toilet and the three Cajuns crammed into another toilet just down the way. Shortly after the train began to move, one of the Cajuns left their toilet and walked over to the toilet in which the Yankees were hiding.
The Cajun knocked on the door and said, 'Ticket, please.'
There's just no way on God's green earth to explain how the Yankees won the war.
"If you're not gonna be a part of a civil society, then just get in your car and drive on over to the East Side.." Cosmo Kramer
"Giddy-up!" --Kramer
"Lets make some music, make some money, find some models for wives...."MGMT
If your dog won't jump off a dock, it is just a mutt
ozarkmountaindockdogs@gmail.com
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06-01-08 04:50 PM |
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tdbabe
StatFox Hall of Famer
Registered: Oct 2003
Posts: 7262
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A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river The drunk walks into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of booze. Whereupon he asks the drunk, 'Are you ready to find Jesus?'
'Yes I am' replies the drunk, so the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the river. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, 'Brother have you found Jesus?'
The drunk replies, 'No, I haven't.' The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again, but for a bit longer this time. He pulls him out of the water and asks again, 'Have you found Jesus, my brother?'
The drunk again answers, 'No, I have not found Jesus.' By this time the preacher is at his wits end so he dunks the drunk in the water again, but this time he holds him down for about 30 seconds. When the drunk begins kicking his arms and legs, the preacher pulls him up.
The preacher asks the drunk again, 'For the love of God, have you found Jesus?' The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher,
'Are you sure this is where he fell in?'
Please view this site. Donations of any kind are always appreciated by these brave people.
http://www.anysoldier.com/index.cfm
America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the Mall. If you don't stand behind our troops, PLEASE feel free to stand in front of them!
Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.
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06-03-08 03:39 AM |
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mikeb104
StatFox Hall of Famer
Registered: Sep 2006
Posts: 7733
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06-04-08 08:09 PM |
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