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tdbabe
StatFox Hall of Famer
Registered: Oct 2003
Posts: 7262
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Mike was fixing a door and found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent his wife Mary to Home Depot.
At Home Depot, Mary saw a beautiful teapot on a top shelf while she was waiting for Walt, the manager, to finish waiting on a customer. When Walt was finished, Mary asked "How much for the teapot?"
Walt replied, "That's silver and it costs $300."
"My goodness that sure is a lot of money!"
Mary exclaimed.
Then she proceeded to describe the hinge that Mike had sent her to buy, and Walt went to the back room to find it.
From the back room Walt yelled, "Mary, you wanna screw for that hinge?"
Mary replied, "No, but I will for the teapot."
This is why you can't send a woman to Home Depot
Please view this site. Donations of any kind are always appreciated by these brave people.
http://www.anysoldier.com/index.cfm
America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the Mall. If you don't stand behind our troops, PLEASE feel free to stand in front of them!
Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.
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07-26-07 05:36 AM |
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Chico1856
StatFox Hall of Famer
Registered: Sep 2005
Posts: 6165
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A little old lady was sitting on a park bench in The Villages, a
Florida adult community.
A man walked over and sits down on the other end of the bench.
After a few moments, the woman asks, "Are you a stranger here?"
He replies, "I lived here years ago."
"So, where were you all these years?"
"In prison," he says.
"Why did they put you in prison?"
He looked at her, and very quietly said, "I killed my wife."
"Oh!" said the woman. "So you're single..."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Another two elderly people are living in Clearwater Assisted Living. He
was
a widower and she a widow, & they had known each other for a number of
years.
One evening there was a community supper in the big arena in the
Clubhouse.
The two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal
went on, he took a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered the
courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?"
After about six seconds of 'careful consideration', she answered "Yes.
Yes, I will!"
The meal ended and, with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to
their respective places.
Next morning, he was troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?"
He couldn't remember. Try as he might, he just could not recall. Not
even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the telephone and
called her.
First, he explained that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then
he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more
courage,
he inquired, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or
did you say 'No'?"
He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I
meant it with all my heart." Then she continued, "I am so glad that you
called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
A man was telling his neighbor in Sun City Center , "I just bought a
new
hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the
art.
It's perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor at the local Medical
Clinic to get a physical.
A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a
gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're
really doing great, aren't you?"
"Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"
Morris replied.
To which doctor said, "I didn't say that, Morris. I said, 'You've got a
heart murmur, be careful!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
A little old man shuffled slowly into the "Orange Dipper", an ice cream
parlor in Leesburg, and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a
stool.
After catching his breath he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked
kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
"No," he replied, "arthritis."
http://unmetneeds.com/
LIFE: Sometimes you're the baby, sometimes you're the diaper
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07-28-07 01:08 AM |
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Chico1856
StatFox Hall of Famer
Registered: Sep 2005
Posts: 6165
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Down south, Bubba called his attorney and asked, 'Is it true they's
suin
them
cigarette companies fer causin people to git cancer ?'
'Yes Bubba, sure is true,' responded the lawyer.
'And now someone is suin them fast food restaurants fer makin them fat
an
cloggin their arteries with all them burgers an fries, is that true,
Mista Lawyer?'
'Sure is, Bubba.'
'And that lady sued McDonalds for millions when she was gave that hot
coffee
that she ordered?'
'Yep.'
'And that football player sued that university when he gradiated and
still couldn't read?'
'That's right,' said the lawyer.
'But why are you asking?'
'Well, I was thinkin ....What I want to know is, kin I sue Budweiser
fer
all them ugly women
I slept with?'
http://unmetneeds.com/
LIFE: Sometimes you're the baby, sometimes you're the diaper
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08-12-07 06:08 PM |
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