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Breadman
StatFox Hall of Famer
Registered: Jan 2003
Posts: 11463
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Three mice walk into a bar.
After a few drinks, they get into a heated argument about how tough they are.
The first mouse says, “When I see a mousetrap, I lay on my back and set it off with my foot. Then, I catch the bar with my teeth and bench press it twenty times to work up an appetite. Only then do I make off with the cheese!”
The second mouse says, “Oh yeah? Well, whenever I see rat poison, I take it all and grind it into powder. Then when morning comes, I use it to flavor my coffee! It helps me get a nice buzz going for the rest of the day!”
The third mouse, checking his watch, sighs, stands up and says “I have to go. Time to go home and fuk the cat”.
Tell/support a lie once, and all your truths become questionable.
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02-19-21 04:08 PM |
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Breadman
StatFox Hall of Famer
Registered: Jan 2003
Posts: 11463
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C-5 to Afghanistan
While the C-5 was turning over its engines, a female crewman gave the G.I.'s on board
the usual information regarding seat belts, emergency exits, etc.
Finally, she said, "Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your
Captain, Judith Campbell, and crew take you safely to Afghanistan
An old MSgt. sitting in the eighth row thought to himself, "Did
I hear her right? Is the Captain a woman?"
When the attendant came by he said "Did I understand you right?
Is the Captain a woman?"
"Yes," said the Attendant, "In fact, this entire crew is female."
"My God," he said, "I wish I had two double scotch and sodas. I
don't know what to think with only women up there in the cockpit."
"That's another thing Sergeant," said the crew member, "We no
longer call it the **** Pit"
"It's the Box Office".
Tell/support a lie once, and all your truths become questionable.
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05-17-21 04:28 PM |
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Breadman
StatFox Hall of Famer
Registered: Jan 2003
Posts: 11463
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VERN'S FUNERAL
Vern works hard at the Phone Company but spends two nights each week bowling, and plays golf every Saturday.
His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard,so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, 'Hey, Vern! How ya doin?'
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
'Oh no,' says Vern.'He's in my bowling league.
When they are seated, a waitress asks Vern if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, 'How did she know that you drink Budweiser?'
'I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club.
I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.'
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Vern, starts to rub herself all over him and says, 'Hi Vern. Want your usual table dance, big boy?'
Vern's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Vern follows and spots her getting into a cab.
Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.
Vern tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.
She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs,calling him every 4 letter word in the book..
The cabby turns around and says `Geez Vern, you picked up a real ***** this time.'
VERN'S FUNERAL WILL BE HELD THIS COMING FRIDAY
Tell/support a lie once, and all your truths become questionable.
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06-25-21 04:59 PM |
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