|
| |
|
tdbabe
StatFox Hall of Famer
Registered: Oct 2003
Posts: 7262
|
Kids Are Quick
____________________________________
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why areyou doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You toldme to do it without using tables.
________________________________________
__
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
________________________________________
____
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
________________________________________
__
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No,Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: Allright... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
_________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
Please view this site. Donations of any kind are always appreciated by these brave people.
http://www.anysoldier.com/index.cfm
America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the Mall. If you don't stand behind our troops, PLEASE feel free to stand in front of them!
Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.
|
05-07-08 03:34 AM |
|
|
| |
|
31bullets
FoxDen Hall of Famer
Registered: Nov 2006
Posts: 4381
|
A husband and wife are doing their grocery shopping.
The man picks up a case of beer and sticks in into the shopping cart.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.
'They're on sale, only $10.00 for 24 cans', he says.
'Put them back. We can't afford it,' says the wife and they carry on shopping...
A few aisles later the woman picks up a $20.00 jar of face cream and sticks it into the cart.
'Whoa, what do you think you're doing?' asks the man.
'It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' she says.
The man replies...'SO DOES 24 CANS OF BEER, AND IT'S HALF THE PRICE!'
"If you're not gonna be a part of a civil society, then just get in your car and drive on over to the East Side.." Cosmo Kramer
"Giddy-up!" --Kramer
"Lets make some music, make some money, find some models for wives...."MGMT
If your dog won't jump off a dock, it is just a mutt
ozarkmountaindockdogs@gmail.com
|
05-07-08 04:57 AM |
|
|
| |
|
tdbabe
StatFox Hall of Famer
Registered: Oct 2003
Posts: 7262
|
Only in Texas my friends...
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New York and is certain that he has a better education then any cop from Houston, Texas. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Texas deputy' s expense.
The deputy says,' License and registration, please.'
'What for?' says the lawyer.
The deputy says, 'You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign.'
Then the lawyer says, 'I slowed down, and no one was coming.'
'You still didn't come to a complete stop, Says the deputy. License and registration, please.'
The lawyer says, 'What's the difference?'
'The difference is you have to come to complete stop, that's the law License and registration, please!' the Deputy says.
Lawyer says, 'If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket.'
'That sounds fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir,' the deputy says.
At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the daylights out of the lawyer and says, 'Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?'
Please view this site. Donations of any kind are always appreciated by these brave people.
http://www.anysoldier.com/index.cfm
America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the Mall. If you don't stand behind our troops, PLEASE feel free to stand in front of them!
Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.
|
05-07-08 04:58 PM |
|
|
| |
|
tdbabe
StatFox Hall of Famer
Registered: Oct 2003
Posts: 7262
|
Seniors Giving Birth
With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old woman was able to give birth. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit.
"May we see the new baby?" one asked.|
"Not yet," said the mother. "I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first."
Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked, "May we see the new baby now?"
"No, not yet," said the mother.
After another few minutes had elapsed, they asked again, "May we see the baby now?"
"No, not yet," replied the mother.
Growing very impatient, they asked, "Well, when can we see the baby?"
"WHEN HE CRIES!" she told them.
"WHEN HE CRIES?" they demanded.
"Why do we have to wait until he CRIES?"
"BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM. O.K.?"
Please view this site. Donations of any kind are always appreciated by these brave people.
http://www.anysoldier.com/index.cfm
America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the Mall. If you don't stand behind our troops, PLEASE feel free to stand in front of them!
Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.
|
05-08-08 09:02 PM |
|
|
| |
|
crogue1
FoxDen Hall of Famer
Registered: Feb 2006
Posts: 1513
|
yesterday my dad asked my 2.5 yr. old if he knew what his address was...he replied I don't wear dresses, i wear pants and t-shirts!
|
05-08-08 10:13 PM |
|
|
| |
|
AngryBeavers
FoxDen Hall of Famer
Registered: Nov 2006
Posts: 1555
|
Not quite as funny as those, but these crack me up. Yes, I know I am biased so its' ok if you don't find em' as funny as I do...
my seven year old during a recent soccer game....
Another child stole the ball from him. It was the week after Easter. As my son is chasing him he is screaming "Oh no you don't. Come back here you Easter Bunny"
same son... a couple of weeks ago I take him golfing. Every time we get in the cart he says "Can I drive?" I tell him he can help steer - he says "Well then, what are you waiting for... Step on it!"
During that same round of golf my tee shot on a par three ends up left on the green, in a bunker. The group behind us had pulled up to the tee as we were waiting to hit. The group in front of us was pretty slow but the whole course was pretty backed up. In front of his new found audience he proclaims " Dad, that wasn't the shot we were looking for!"
During a coaches pitch game last year he steps up to the plate. He has this very serious look on his face. He taps his spikes, which I ought to add have no dirt in them, but plenty of dust. I am the coach and am pitching. He looks at me. Taps the plate, starts to stare me down and says loud enough for all to hear "Bring the heat, Meat!" In all fairness he has said that a bunch of times during backyard whiffle ball games, but never in a "real" game. I still had to laugh. He then promptly raps a double down the third base line......
I could go on and on...
|
05-09-08 03:33 AM |
|
|
| |
|