I grew up in a rough neighborhood
at the Library the sign did not say "Quite Please"
It said "Shut the **** up"

My Doctor is Crazy
He Prescribed sleeping pills
HE TOLD ME TO TAKE 2 WHEN I WAKE UP

He gave me a blood test & electrocardiogram
I said how do I stand?
He said that's whats got me puzzled!

I said Doc
I wake up in the morning go in the Bathroom
I look in the mirror i get nausious,
I just want to throw up
Whats wrong with me?
He said I don't know
BUT YOUR EYESIGHT IS PERFECT

I went to his office with my girlfriend,
I told her to wait in the waiting room , and went to speak to him in private

I said I think she may have VENERAL DISEASE

HE GAVE HIMSELF A SHOT!!

I should have known she was cheating,
every time i come home
The Pariott squkes
QUICK OUT THE WINDOW!

And when I did ask about the Colon exam
he told me no problem, go in the exam room

Nurse came in with a 5 foot long pole!

I said Wait a minute,

What the hell do you intend to do with that

She said, Relax I am just going to look around

I SAID FOR WHAT A PARKING SPACE?

She said no , for Blood

I said if you use that

I CAN MAKE A PREDICTION RIGHT NOW

She said calm down, you may feel a little pressure

I said YEA i DO. THE ROOF OF MY MOUTH TAKE IT OUT!!

He said Sam before you leave i'll need a
sperm sample, a urine sample and a stool sample
I SAID
WHY DON'T I JUST LEAVE YOU MY UNDERWEAR

He says ok enough kidding,
I'll need to get that Sperm Sample
Here is a Cup and and a old Porno Magazine
Go into Exam ROOM#1 and get me a sample, then you can go home

I accidentally Go into room #2 And was Shocked to interrupt
This Blonde Nurse administering Oral sex to this Patient
apparently also to get a Sperm Sample

I Ran Back to the Doctor and said
how come he's getting the Natural Method for a Sperm Count

and you give me the Home Depot Do it Yourself Plan??

HE SAYS HE'S ON THE GOLD PLAN

YOUR ON HMO

By the Way I have a Fantastic Lawyer
if you need one

This guy got a rape charge
reduced to Tailgating