StatFox.com - Sports Handicapping Community

The Leading Logic In Sports Handicapping

The FoxDen Forum : Powered by vBulletin version 2.3.0 The FoxDen Forum > FoxDen Lounge > Humor
Search The Fox Den Forum:

Subscribe to this Thread
Pages (32): « 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 [24] 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 »

Last Message   Next Message
    
Author
Message    Post A Reply
Tots_McGee
FoxDen Hall of Famer

Registered: Feb 2010
Posts: 3074

http://elrellano.com/videos_online/4624/circo-roncalli.html




http://mainememorial.org/

Old Post 03-25-11 01:31 AM
Tots_McGee is offline Click Here to See the Profile for Tots_McGee Click here to Send Tots_McGee a Private Message Edit post   Report post
tdbabe
StatFox Hall of Famer

Registered: Oct 2003
Posts: 7262

LOL!!!




Please view this site. Donations of any kind are always appreciated by these brave people.

http://www.anysoldier.com/index.cfm

America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the Mall. If you don't stand behind our troops, PLEASE feel free to stand in front of them!

Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

Old Post 03-25-11 03:45 AM
tdbabe is offline Click Here to See the Profile for tdbabe Click here to Send tdbabe a Private Message Edit post   Report post
tdbabe
StatFox Hall of Famer

Registered: Oct 2003
Posts: 7262

Senior Center

It was entertainment night at the Senior Center .

Claude the hypnotist exclaimed, "I'm here to put you into a trance. I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful, antique
pocket watch from his coat. "I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations."

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..."

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs eyes followed the swaying watch.

Then, suddenly, the watch slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the
floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.

"Sh*t!" said the Hypnotist.

It took three days to clean up the Senior Center .

Claude was never invited back to entertain.

Old Post 03-30-11 04:51 AM
tdbabe is offline Click Here to See the Profile for tdbabe Click here to Send tdbabe a Private Message Edit post   Report post
Prime Time
FoxDen Hall of Famer

Registered: Jul 2007
Posts: 2083

A little girl complained to her father, "Daddy, I wish I had a little sister!"

Trying to be funny, her father joked, "But honey, you already have a sister!"

Confused, the toddler asked, "I do?"

"Sure," her dad said, pulling the kid's chain. "You don't see her because every time you come in the front door, she scoots out the back door!"

The confused toddler thought for a moment and then beamed, "You mean just like my other daddy!"




Up front there ought to be a man in black.

Old Post 04-26-11 06:17 PM
Prime Time is offline Click Here to See the Profile for Prime Time Click here to Send Prime Time a Private Message Edit post   Report post
Prime Time
FoxDen Hall of Famer

Registered: Jul 2007
Posts: 2083

Two Italian nuns are riding their rickety old bikes down the back streets of Rome late one afternoon. As it turns dusk, the increasing darkness starts making one of the nuns a little nervous.

She leans over to the other and says, "You know, I've never come this way before."

The other nun replies, "It's the cobblestones."




Up front there ought to be a man in black.

Old Post 04-26-11 06:22 PM
Prime Time is offline Click Here to See the Profile for Prime Time Click here to Send Prime Time a Private Message Edit post   Report post
westghost
FoxDen Hall of Famer

Registered: Jul 2009
Posts: 1977

The Yellow Light


The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.
The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.
As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.
He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.
After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.
He said, ''I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you and cussing a blue streak at him.
I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally I assumed you had stolen the car.''




I do not believe in a fate that falls on men however they act; but I do believe in a fate that falls on them unless they act.
Buddha

Old Post 05-17-11 09:51 AM
westghost is offline Click Here to See the Profile for westghost Edit post   Report post
tdbabe
StatFox Hall of Famer

Registered: Oct 2003
Posts: 7262

I like that one Westghost!




Please view this site. Donations of any kind are always appreciated by these brave people.

http://www.anysoldier.com/index.cfm

America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the Mall. If you don't stand behind our troops, PLEASE feel free to stand in front of them!

Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

Old Post 05-17-11 07:19 PM
tdbabe is offline Click Here to See the Profile for tdbabe Click here to Send tdbabe a Private Message Edit post   Report post
ronnie111
FoxDen Hall of Famer

Registered: Feb 2009
Posts: 7085

the other day i asked a midget if i could borrow
$20, he told me he was a little short.

Old Post 05-18-11 12:26 AM
ronnie111 is offline Click Here to See the Profile for ronnie111 Click here to Send ronnie111 a Private Message Edit post   Report post
markinc7
FoxDen Hall of Famer

Registered: Nov 2008
Posts: 2832

WAL-MART SENIOR GREETER
You just have to appreciate this one. Young people forget that we old people had a career before we retired......


Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies.



One day the boss called him into the office for a talk.

"Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job when you finally get here; but your being late so often is quite bothersome."

"Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it."

"Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear.

“Yes sir, I understand your concern and I’ll try harder.

Seeming puzzled, the manager went on to comment, It's odd though your coming in late. I know you're retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say to you there if you showed up in the morning so late and so often?"

The old man looked down at the floor, then smiled.

He chuckled quietly, then said with a grin, "They usually saluted and said, Good morning, Admiral, can I get your coffee, sir?”




"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not."
Thomas Jefferson

"No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it."
Albert Einstein

Old Post 05-25-11 04:26 AM
markinc7 is offline Click Here to See the Profile for markinc7 Click here to Send markinc7 a Private Message Edit post   Report post
markinc7
FoxDen Hall of Famer

Registered: Nov 2008
Posts: 2832

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.

She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"

The woman said, "That's okay."

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to".

The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me."

So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.

The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you."

The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."

So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."


Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.



Attention female readers : This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.

Male readers: Please scroll down.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife ...



Moral of the story: Women are not really smart, they just think they are.



Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show



PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!




"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not."
Thomas Jefferson

"No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it."
Albert Einstein

Old Post 05-31-11 11:32 PM
markinc7 is offline Click Here to See the Profile for markinc7 Click here to Send markinc7 a Private Message Edit post   Report post
tdbabe
StatFox Hall of Famer

Registered: Oct 2003
Posts: 7262

Stupid bastard.....LOL

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GVkc...opvideos_comedy




Please view this site. Donations of any kind are always appreciated by these brave people.

http://www.anysoldier.com/index.cfm

America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the Mall. If you don't stand behind our troops, PLEASE feel free to stand in front of them!

Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

Old Post 06-02-11 05:31 AM
tdbabe is offline Click Here to See the Profile for tdbabe Click here to Send tdbabe a Private Message Edit post   Report post
westghost
FoxDen Hall of Famer

Registered: Jul 2009
Posts: 1977

Lol Markin7!




I do not believe in a fate that falls on men however they act; but I do believe in a fate that falls on them unless they act.
Buddha

Old Post 06-02-11 08:32 AM
westghost is offline Click Here to See the Profile for westghost Edit post   Report post
Tots_McGee
FoxDen Hall of Famer

Registered: Feb 2010
Posts: 3074

An man is stopped by the police around 1 a. m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, “I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body”.
The officer then asks, “Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?”;
The man replies, “My wife.”




http://mainememorial.org/

Old Post 06-18-11 08:51 PM
Tots_McGee is offline Click Here to See the Profile for Tots_McGee Click here to Send Tots_McGee a Private Message Edit post   Report post
markinc7
FoxDen Hall of Famer

Registered: Nov 2008
Posts: 2832

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole..
The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.. 'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapistand I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him.

'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still
clasping his hands there at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'?

Feels great, he replied; but I still think my thumb's broken!




"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not."
Thomas Jefferson

"No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it."
Albert Einstein

Old Post 06-27-11 11:43 PM
markinc7 is offline Click Here to See the Profile for markinc7 Click here to Send markinc7 a Private Message Edit post   Report post
duckman
FoxDen Hall of Famer

Registered: Nov 2005
Posts: 2671

Proud Father



The year is 2016 and the United States has just elected the first woman president who happens to be from Wisconsin.

A few days after the election the president-elect, whose name is Susan, calls her father and says, "So, Dad, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?"

"I don’t think so. It's an 18 hour drive."

"Don't worry about it Dad, I'll send Air Force One. And a limousine will pick you up at your door."

"I don't know. Everybody will be so fancy. What would your mother wear?"

"Oh Dad," replies Susan, "I'll make sure she has a wonderful gown custom-made by the best designer inWashington .."

"Honey," Dad complains, "you know I can't eat those rich foods you eat."


The President-to-be responds, "Don't worry Dad. The entire affair will be handled by the best caterer in Washington, I'll ensure your meals are salt free. You and mom just have to be there."

So Dad reluctantly agrees and on January 20, 2017, Susan is being sworn in as President of the United States . In the front row sits the new president's Dad and Mom. Dad noticing the senator sitting next to him leans over and whispers, "You see that woman over there with her hand on the Bible, becoming President of the United States?"

The Senator whispers back, "You bet I do."

Dad puffs up his chest and says proudly, "Her brother plays football for the Green Bay Packers.




All things being equal, when in doubt, take the underdog.

Old Post 07-05-11 11:59 PM
duckman is offline Click Here to See the Profile for duckman Click here to Send duckman a Private Message Edit post   Report post
westghost
FoxDen Hall of Famer

Registered: Jul 2009
Posts: 1977

My wife was watching a cooking program the other day. I said, "What are you watching that for? You can't cook."



She said, "You watch porn."




I do not believe in a fate that falls on men however they act; but I do believe in a fate that falls on them unless they act.
Buddha

Old Post 07-29-11 02:52 AM
westghost is offline Click Here to See the Profile for westghost Edit post   Report post
Tots_McGee
FoxDen Hall of Famer

Registered: Feb 2010
Posts: 3074

Four guys have been going to the same deer camp for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Ron's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Ron's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do?

Two days later the remaining three get to the camping site only to find Ron sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.

"Damn man, how long you been here, and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since yesterday. The evening before I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'Guess who?'"

I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new nightie. She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did.

And then she said, "Do whatever you want."

"So, here I am."




http://mainememorial.org/

Old Post 09-12-11 08:43 PM
Tots_McGee is offline Click Here to See the Profile for Tots_McGee Click here to Send Tots_McGee a Private Message Edit post   Report post
tdbabe
StatFox Hall of Famer

Registered: Oct 2003
Posts: 7262

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!




Please view this site. Donations of any kind are always appreciated by these brave people.

http://www.anysoldier.com/index.cfm

America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the Mall. If you don't stand behind our troops, PLEASE feel free to stand in front of them!

Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

Old Post 09-13-11 06:59 AM
tdbabe is offline Click Here to See the Profile for tdbabe Click here to Send tdbabe a Private Message Edit post   Report post
Tots_McGee
FoxDen Hall of Famer

Registered: Feb 2010
Posts: 3074

Bob, an undertaker, recently came home with a black eye.
"What happened to you?" asked his wife.
"I had a terrible day." replied Bob . "I had to go to a hotel and pick up a man who had died in his sleep.
When I got there, the manager said they couldn't get him into a body bag because he had this huge erection.
Anyway, I went up and, sure enough, there was this big naked guy lying on the bed with this huge erection.
So I grabbed it with both hands and tried to snap it in half."

"I see" said his wife, "that must have been awful, but how did you get the black eye?"
Bob replied: " Wrong room ."




http://mainememorial.org/

Old Post 11-15-11 02:57 PM
Tots_McGee is offline Click Here to See the Profile for Tots_McGee Click here to Send Tots_McGee a Private Message Edit post   Report post
cisco
FoxDen Hall of Famer

Registered: Jul 2004
Posts: 8898

whores and hockey players

A man in a Florida supermarket tries to buy a half a head of lettuce.
The young produce assistant tells him that they only sell whole heads.
The man persists and asks to see the manager.
The boy says he'll ask his manager about it.

Walking into the back room the boy says to the manager, "Some azzhole wants to buy a half a head of lettuce..."

As he finishes his sentence, he turns to find the man standing
right behind him, so he adds "...
and THIS gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half."

The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.

Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who can think on their feet. Where are you from son?"
"Canada, Sir," replied the boy.

"Well why did you leave Canada?" the manager asked.
"Sir, there's nothing but whores and hockey players up there," said the boy.

"Really?" said the manager, "My wife is from Canada."
"No sh!t!" said the boy.

"Who'd she play for?"

Old Post 11-23-11 08:10 PM
cisco is offline Click Here to See the Profile for cisco Click here to Send cisco a Private Message Edit post   Report post
Post A Reply
  
Pages (32): « 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 [24] 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 »   Last Message   Next Message

Quick Links: