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tdbabe
StatFox Hall of Famer

Registered: Oct 2003
Posts: 7262

lol.........and GOOD POINT on the sunglasses!




Please view this site. Donations of any kind are always appreciated by these brave people.

http://www.anysoldier.com/index.cfm

America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the Mall. If you don't stand behind our troops, PLEASE feel free to stand in front of them!

Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

Old Post 06-07-08 12:57 AM
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Curdawg
StatFox Legend

Registered: Feb 2007
Posts: 7463

Elderly Couple

An elderly couple in their 70's were about to get married. She said, "I want to keep my house"
He said, " That's fine with me"
She said, "I want to keep my Cadillac"
He said, " That's fine with me"
She said, " I want to make love six time's a week"
He said, " Put me down for Friday's"

Vic




Always bet AP's number 11 who will be trying hard to get into Top 10...

Old Post 06-07-08 02:39 AM
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tdbabe
StatFox Hall of Famer

Registered: Oct 2003
Posts: 7262

LOL!!!!




Please view this site. Donations of any kind are always appreciated by these brave people.

http://www.anysoldier.com/index.cfm

America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the Mall. If you don't stand behind our troops, PLEASE feel free to stand in front of them!

Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

Old Post 06-07-08 03:45 AM
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31bullets
FoxDen Hall of Famer

Registered: Nov 2006
Posts: 4381

ahh...the humor from a grandpa....LOL...hope all is well, free willy




"If you're not gonna be a part of a civil society, then just get in your car and drive on over to the East Side.." Cosmo Kramer
"Giddy-up!" --Kramer
"Lets make some music, make some money, find some models for wives...."MGMT
If your dog won't jump off a dock, it is just a mutt

ozarkmountaindockdogs@gmail.com

Old Post 06-07-08 05:45 AM
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31bullets
FoxDen Hall of Famer

Registered: Nov 2006
Posts: 4381

Mowing & Beer
>>
>>On Saturday afternoon, I was sitting in my lawn chair, drinking beer
>>and watching my wife mow the lawn.
>>
>>The neighbor lady from across the street was so outraged that she came

>>over and shouted at me, 'You should be hung!'
>>
>>I took a drink from my can of Miller Lite, wiped the cold foam from my

>>lips, lifted my darkened Ray Ban sunglasses and stared directly into
>>the eyes of this nosy ass neighbor and then calmly replied,
>>
>>'I am. That's why she cuts the grass.'




"If you're not gonna be a part of a civil society, then just get in your car and drive on over to the East Side.." Cosmo Kramer
"Giddy-up!" --Kramer
"Lets make some music, make some money, find some models for wives...."MGMT
If your dog won't jump off a dock, it is just a mutt

ozarkmountaindockdogs@gmail.com

Old Post 06-20-08 04:07 AM
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Bytore
FoxDen Hall of Famer

Registered: Jan 2003
Posts: 15337

LOL!!!




"Today's Tom Sawyer, he gets high on you
And the space he invades, he gets by on you..."

RUSH

Old Post 06-20-08 04:13 AM
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Riverfish
FoxDen Hall of Famer

Registered: Dec 2006
Posts: 2913

A sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wanted her
Vaginal lips reduced in size because they were too loose and floppy
Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the
Surgeon agreed.

Awakening from the anaesthesia after the surgery she found 3 roses
carefully placed beside her on the bed.

Outraged, she immediately calls in the doctor. 'I thought I asked you not
to tell anyone about my operation!'

The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and
that the first rose was from him. 'I felt sad because you went through
this all by yourself.' 'The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me
in the surgery and empathized because she had had the same procedure done
some time ago.' 'and what about the third rose ?' she asked.

'That's from a man upstairs in the burns unit. He wanted to thank you for
his new ears.'




My YouTube Channel

Old Post 07-01-08 07:25 PM
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Chico1856
StatFox Hall of Famer

Registered: Sep 2005
Posts: 6165

Tech Support

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Nick, the 11 year old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over.

Nick clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what
was wrong? He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'

Nick grinned. 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?'

'No,' I replied.

'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'

So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T

I used to like that little bastard




http://unmetneeds.com/

LIFE: Sometimes you're the baby, sometimes you're the diaper

Old Post 07-05-08 10:39 PM
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thedoc
FoxDen Hall of Famer

Registered: Sep 2006
Posts: 11024

I'll remember that one. LMAO

Old Post 07-05-08 11:11 PM
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tdbabe
StatFox Hall of Famer

Registered: Oct 2003
Posts: 7262

LOL!!! That's a good one!




Please view this site. Donations of any kind are always appreciated by these brave people.

http://www.anysoldier.com/index.cfm

America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the Mall. If you don't stand behind our troops, PLEASE feel free to stand in front of them!

Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

Old Post 07-06-08 01:02 AM
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thedoc
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Registered: Sep 2006
Posts: 11024

I cant help but wonder if its really his neighbor

Old Post 07-06-08 01:13 AM
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Chico1856
StatFox Hall of Famer

Registered: Sep 2005
Posts: 6165

How men think

A woman was in a coma, and had been for months.
Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath.
One of them was washing her private area and noticed
that there was a slight response on the monitor when she
touched her. They tried it again and sure enough there was
a small, recognizable movement.

They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him,
'As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and
bring her out of the coma.'

The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they'd close the
curtains
for privacy.
The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room.

After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate
at all.

The nurses run back into the room. 'What happened!?' they cried.

The husband said, 'I'm not sure. Maybe she choked.'




http://unmetneeds.com/

LIFE: Sometimes you're the baby, sometimes you're the diaper

Old Post 07-10-08 12:02 AM
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31bullets
FoxDen Hall of Famer

Registered: Nov 2006
Posts: 4381

that was funny chico...




"If you're not gonna be a part of a civil society, then just get in your car and drive on over to the East Side.." Cosmo Kramer
"Giddy-up!" --Kramer
"Lets make some music, make some money, find some models for wives...."MGMT
If your dog won't jump off a dock, it is just a mutt

ozarkmountaindockdogs@gmail.com

Old Post 07-10-08 01:25 AM
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Bromoe
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Registered: Sep 2005
Posts: 6020

Riverfish & Chico LMAO

Old Post 07-10-08 06:12 AM
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2381Mike
FoxDen Hall of Famer

Registered: Aug 2005
Posts: 2566

There was this fella who was in a construction accident, and had to have a fake eye. This eye happened to be made from wood. For years and years he would go to work and come home. He never went out. He never met anyone. He was very alone.
One Friday after work, one of his co-workers invited him to a singles dance. With alot of fear and uncertainty, he said he would be there.
At the dance, he sat on the bleachers by himself for a long time. He noticed a lady sitting on the opposite side of the floor on the other bleachers. She was alone too. He finally got the courage to go to her and ask her to dance. On the way over, he noticed she had a very large nose.
When he asked her if she would like to dance, she excitedly said, "Would I??!! Would I??!! He yelled back to her "Big nose!! Big nose!!

Old Post 07-10-08 07:45 PM
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Bromoe
FoxDen Hall of Famer

Registered: Sep 2005
Posts: 6020

When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple
days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard
some strange noises coming from the area where Mozart was buried.
Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it.
The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave,
listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony,
being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony,
And it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."
So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the
Sixth...the Fifth..." Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned
on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the
cemetery. "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Mozart decomposing."

Old Post 07-12-08 06:17 AM
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tdbabe
StatFox Hall of Famer

Registered: Oct 2003
Posts: 7262

A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to
> celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The old man
> leans forward and says softly to his wife, "Dear, there
> is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered
> me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest
> of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75
> years have been the most wonderful experience I could
> have ever hoped for, and your answer can not take that
> all that away. But... I must know, did he have a different
> father?"
> The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in
> the eye, she paused for moment and then confessed. "Yes.
> Yes he did."
> The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife
> was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With
> a tear in his eye he asks,
> "Who? Who was he? Who was the father?"
> Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first
> as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her
> husband. Then,finally, she says, "You."




Please view this site. Donations of any kind are always appreciated by these brave people.

http://www.anysoldier.com/index.cfm

America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the Mall. If you don't stand behind our troops, PLEASE feel free to stand in front of them!

Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

Old Post 07-19-08 08:48 PM
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Chico1856
StatFox Hall of Famer

Registered: Sep 2005
Posts: 6165

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station...



****************************************
************

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'you should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'


****************************************
******************** ***********

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

Old Post 07-21-08 11:38 PM
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Chico1856
StatFox Hall of Famer

Registered: Sep 2005
Posts: 6165

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday
evening with a beautiful young gal at his side.

He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.

The old man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.'

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought
another ring over. 'Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000,' the jeweler
said.

The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with
excitement. The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.'

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, 'by
check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it
now and you can call the bank on Monday to verify the funds and I'll
pick the ring up Monday afternoon.'

Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man.

'There's no money in that account.'

'I know,' said the old man, 'but let me tell you about my weekend!'




http://unmetneeds.com/

LIFE: Sometimes you're the baby, sometimes you're the diaper

Old Post 07-29-08 04:37 PM
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dodgerfan
FoxDen Hall of Famer

Registered: Oct 2006
Posts: 5485

A lady goes out on her daily Kayaking exercise in Alaska.

Her husband gets very worried when she doesn't come home that day.

A few days go by, until the local game warden shows up at the door.

The husband very worried asks the the warden what happened.

The game warden tells the husband that he has some bad news, some good news, and some great news.

The husband very scared asks for the bad news first.

The Game Warden tells the husband that his wife was found in the bay.

The husband heart broken, asks what could possibly be the good news

The game warden tells the man when they pulled his wifes body out of the bay they found 15 King Crabs and 5 Dungeness crabs attached to her body

The Husband now angry asks for the great news

The Warden tells the husband that tomorrow they are going to pull out her body again

Old Post 07-29-08 07:19 PM
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