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tdbabe
StatFox Hall of Famer

Registered: Oct 2003
Posts: 7262

My little granddaughter before she turned 3.....her daddy's back was hurting, so he said to her "Daddy needs a new back." She replied, "You can't take that one off!"

Same time frame....She and her mommy were lying in bed tickling each other, and laughing a lot.....she put her hand over her mommy's mouth and said "Make your face be quiet!" (How many times have I wanted to do that to hubby!) LOL

Old Post 05-10-08 12:42 AM
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Curdawg
StatFox Legend

Registered: Feb 2007
Posts: 7463

True story

My nephew was born when the Big Mac attack commercials were on daily. He weighted 12+ lbs. at birth, i came into a crowded room right after he was born and told his mom she had a Big Mac attack from his size. Turned out to be a gaint of a man and too this day everyone calls him Big Mac.
Any way when he was about 3 i took him fishing in a pond in a cow field. Of course he lagged behind a little and i was watching him as three gentle cows came up to him and one of them "mooooed" and i heard Big Mac say something but really did'nt understand what he said so i walked over and asked him what was going on, he replied "that cow do'nt tell me what to do" so i asked him what he meant by that and he said that cow told him to "move". Another unforgetable classic for me!




Always bet AP's number 11 who will be trying hard to get into Top 10...

Old Post 05-11-08 09:09 PM
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SliPKnuT
FoxDen Hall of Famer

Registered: Feb 2006
Posts: 2512

Caleb's dad taught him how to play defense for basketball. He was walking with grandpa and pointed "look! the leaves are playing defense!!!"

God Love 'Em

Funniest dude I've seen in awhile....

David Neher

http://www.superdeluxe.com/sd/artist/david_neher




"The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling."

Ambrose Bierce

Old Post 05-15-08 05:02 PM
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Chico1856
StatFox Hall of Famer

Registered: Sep 2005
Posts: 6165

First-year students at Veterinary school were receiving their
first anatomy class, with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the
surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor
started the class by telling them, "In Veterinary Medicine it is
necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: The first is
that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal body." For
an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the
butt of the dead cow, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth."
Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students
freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns
sticking a finger in the anal opening of the dead cow and sucking on it.
When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, "The
second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle
finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention.
Life's tough; it's even tougher if you're stupid."




http://unmetneeds.com/

LIFE: Sometimes you're the baby, sometimes you're the diaper

Old Post 05-28-08 07:47 PM
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31bullets
FoxDen Hall of Famer

Registered: Nov 2006
Posts: 4381

*Subject:* Spaghetti
For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One
night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to
ruin his
reputation or his marriage, He paid her a large sum of money if she
would
go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise
the child, he would also provide child support until the child
turned 18. She
agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.

To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and
write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the child
support
payments to begin.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused
wife. 'Honey, she said, You received a very strange post card today.'
'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said. The
wife obeyed
and watched as her husband read the card, turned white , and fainted.
On the card was written:

'Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.

Three with meatballs, two without.

Send extra sauce




"If you're not gonna be a part of a civil society, then just get in your car and drive on over to the East Side.." Cosmo Kramer
"Giddy-up!" --Kramer
"Lets make some music, make some money, find some models for wives...."MGMT
If your dog won't jump off a dock, it is just a mutt

ozarkmountaindockdogs@gmail.com

Old Post 05-31-08 01:19 AM
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tdbabe
StatFox Hall of Famer

Registered: Oct 2003
Posts: 7262

MY PRIVATE PARTS DIED

An old man, Mr. Wallace, was living in a nursing home.

One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed.

Nurse Tracy asked him if there was anything wrong,

'Yes, Nurse Tracy ,' said Mr. Wallace.

'My Private Part died today, and I am very sad.'

Knowing her patients were a little forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied, 'Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Wallace. Please accept my condolences.'

The following day, Mr. Wallace was walking down the hall with his Private Part hanging out of his pajamas.

He met Nurse Tracy. 'Mr. Wallace,' she said, 'You shouldn't be walking down the hall like that.

'Please put your Private Part back inside your pajamas.'

'But, Nurse Tracy I can't,' replied Mr. Wallace. 'I told you yesterday that my Private Part died.

'Yes,' said Nurse Tracy, 'you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?'

> (You've gotta love this ....)
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> 'Well,' he replied, 'Today is the viewing.'




Please view this site. Donations of any kind are always appreciated by these brave people.

http://www.anysoldier.com/index.cfm

America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the Mall. If you don't stand behind our troops, PLEASE feel free to stand in front of them!

Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

Old Post 05-31-08 03:15 AM
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31bullets
FoxDen Hall of Famer

Registered: Nov 2006
Posts: 4381

One morning, three Cajuns and three Yankees were in a ticket line at a train station. The three Northerners each bought a ticket and watched as the three Cajuns bought just one ticket.



'How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket asked one of the Yankees.



'Watch and learn,' answered one of the boys from the Louisiana.



All six boarded the train where the three Yankees sat down, but the three Cajuns crammed into a toilet together and closed the door.



Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around to collect tickets.



He knocked on the toilet door and said, 'Ticket, please.' The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The conductor took it and moved on.



The Yankees saw this happen and agreed it was quite a clever idea. Indeed, so clever they decided to do the same thing on the return trip and save some money.



That afternoon when they got back to the station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip and watched, while to their astonishment, the three Cajuns didn't buy even one ticket.



'How are you going to travel without a ticket?' asked one of the perplexed Yankees.



'Watch and learn,' answered the three Cajun boys in unison.



When they boarded the train, the three Northerners crammed themselves into a toilet and the three Cajuns crammed into another toilet just down the way. Shortly after the train began to move, one of the Cajuns left their toilet and walked over to the toilet in which the Yankees were hiding.



The Cajun knocked on the door and said, 'Ticket, please.'



There's just no way on God's green earth to explain how the Yankees won the war.




"If you're not gonna be a part of a civil society, then just get in your car and drive on over to the East Side.." Cosmo Kramer
"Giddy-up!" --Kramer
"Lets make some music, make some money, find some models for wives...."MGMT
If your dog won't jump off a dock, it is just a mutt

ozarkmountaindockdogs@gmail.com

Old Post 06-01-08 04:50 PM
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Bytore
FoxDen Hall of Famer

Registered: Jan 2003
Posts: 15320

LOL!!!




"Today's Tom Sawyer, he gets high on you
And the space he invades, he gets by on you..."

RUSH

Old Post 06-01-08 04:58 PM
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tdbabe
StatFox Hall of Famer

Registered: Oct 2003
Posts: 7262

A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river The drunk walks into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of booze. Whereupon he asks the drunk, 'Are you ready to find Jesus?'

'Yes I am' replies the drunk, so the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the river. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, 'Brother have you found Jesus?'

The drunk replies, 'No, I haven't.' The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again, but for a bit longer this time. He pulls him out of the water and asks again, 'Have you found Jesus, my brother?'

The drunk again answers, 'No, I have not found Jesus.' By this time the preacher is at his wits end so he dunks the drunk in the water again, but this time he holds him down for about 30 seconds. When the drunk begins kicking his arms and legs, the preacher pulls him up.

The preacher asks the drunk again, 'For the love of God, have you found Jesus?' The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher,

'Are you sure this is where he fell in?'




Please view this site. Donations of any kind are always appreciated by these brave people.

http://www.anysoldier.com/index.cfm

America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the Mall. If you don't stand behind our troops, PLEASE feel free to stand in front of them!

Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

Old Post 06-03-08 03:39 AM
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Bytore
FoxDen Hall of Famer

Registered: Jan 2003
Posts: 15320

LOL!!!




"Today's Tom Sawyer, he gets high on you
And the space he invades, he gets by on you..."

RUSH

Old Post 06-03-08 05:37 AM
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Bytore
FoxDen Hall of Famer

Registered: Jan 2003
Posts: 15320

Ok, I "LOLed" too much.

Stop typing jokes people, you will kill me here...




"Today's Tom Sawyer, he gets high on you
And the space he invades, he gets by on you..."

RUSH

Old Post 06-03-08 05:40 AM
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mikeb104
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Registered: Sep 2006
Posts: 7727

Old Post 06-04-08 08:09 PM
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mikeb104
StatFox Hall of Famer

Registered: Sep 2006
Posts: 7727

http://i274.photobucket.com/albums/jj245/mpjkss/catsq1.jpg">

Old Post 06-04-08 08:17 PM
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mikeb104
StatFox Hall of Famer

Registered: Sep 2006
Posts: 7727

http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a198/Basehits/stereotypes.jpg">


Damn, I still can't get it!!!!!

Old Post 06-04-08 08:26 PM
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mikeb104
StatFox Hall of Famer

Registered: Sep 2006
Posts: 7727

http://s296.photobucket.com/albums/mm182/mrb9999/th_KobeBryant.jpg">

Old Post 06-04-08 08:54 PM
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tdbabe
StatFox Hall of Famer

Registered: Oct 2003
Posts: 7262

This is MIKE'S, let's be clear about that!

Old Post 06-05-08 02:26 AM
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tdbabe
StatFox Hall of Famer

Registered: Oct 2003
Posts: 7262

Mike, I'll pm you with how to do it.




Please view this site. Donations of any kind are always appreciated by these brave people.

http://www.anysoldier.com/index.cfm

America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the Mall. If you don't stand behind our troops, PLEASE feel free to stand in front of them!

Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

Old Post 06-05-08 02:30 AM
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tdbabe
StatFox Hall of Famer

Registered: Oct 2003
Posts: 7262

Here's a one-question IQ Test to help you decide how you should
spend the rest of your day......

There is a mute who wants to buy a toothbrush.

By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth, he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.

Now, if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses,
how should he express himself?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Think about it first before scrolling down for the answer...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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.
.
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.

He opens his mouth and says. 'I would like to buy a pair of Sunglasses.' If you got this wrong, please turn off your computer and call it a day.

I've got mine shutting down right now.

(You know you missed it too, so shut down your computer)




Please view this site. Donations of any kind are always appreciated by these brave people.

http://www.anysoldier.com/index.cfm

America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the Mall. If you don't stand behind our troops, PLEASE feel free to stand in front of them!

Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

Old Post 06-06-08 11:08 PM
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Bromoe
FoxDen Hall of Famer

Registered: Sep 2005
Posts: 6020

ok, I guessed that he would ask for sunglasses,but I thought the
problem would be if that's what he got. I mean how does he know if the glasses are sun glasses or not? When he leaves the store and asks someone?

Old Post 06-07-08 12:11 AM
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Bromoe
FoxDen Hall of Famer

Registered: Sep 2005
Posts: 6020

The finals of the National Poetry Contest last year came down to two finalists. One was a University of Alabama Law School graduate from an upper crust family; well-bred, well-connected, and all that goes with it. The other finalist was a redneck from Auburn University in Alabama.

The rules of the contest required each finalist to compose a four line poem in one minute or less, and the poem had to contain the word "Timbuktu."

The Duke graduate went first. About thirty seconds after the clock started he jumped up and recited the following poem:

"Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked the dusty caravan.
Men on camels, two by two
Destination-Timbuktu."

The audience went wild! How they wondered could the redneck top that?

The clock started again and the redneck sat in silent thought. Finally, in the last few seconds, he jumped up and recited:

"Tim and me, a-huntin' went.
Met three whores in a pop-up tent.
They was three, we was two,
So I bucked one and Timbuktu."

Old Post 06-07-08 12:24 AM
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