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31bullets
FoxDen Hall of Famer

Registered: Nov 2006
Posts: 4381

A man was in a long line at Walmart.
As he got to the register he realized
he had forgotten to get condoms, so
he asked the checkout girl if she could
have some brought up to the register.

She asked, 'What size condoms?'

The customer replied that he didn't
know. She asked him to drop his pants.
He did.
She reached over the counter, grabbed
hold of him and called over the intercom,
'One box of large condoms, Register 5.'

The next man in line thought this was
interesting, and like most of us, was up
for a cheap thrill.

When he got up to the register, he
told the checker that he too had
forgotten to get condoms and asked
if she could have some brought to the
register for him.

She asked him what size, and he stated
that he didn't know. She asked him to
drop his pants. He did.

She gave him a quick feel, picked up
the intercom and said, 'One box of
medium-sized condoms, Register 5.'

A few customers back was this teenage
boy. He thought what he had seen was
way too cool. He had never had any type
of sexual contact with a live female so
he thought this was his chance.

When he got to the register he told the
checker he needed some condoms.

She asked him what size and he said
he didn't know. She asked him to drop
his pants and he did. She reached over
the counter, gave him a quick squeeze,
then picked up the intercom and said...



(you'll love this one...................)





'Clean up at Register 5'




"If you're not gonna be a part of a civil society, then just get in your car and drive on over to the East Side.." Cosmo Kramer
"Giddy-up!" --Kramer
"Lets make some music, make some money, find some models for wives...."MGMT
If your dog won't jump off a dock, it is just a mutt

ozarkmountaindockdogs@gmail.com

Old Post 04-08-08 05:04 AM
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31bullets
FoxDen Hall of Famer

Registered: Nov 2006
Posts: 4381

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said,
'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar,
which was as clean and empty as it was on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained,
'Well, doc, it's like this - first I tried with my right hand, but nothing.
Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.
Then I asked my wife for help.
She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing.
She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.
We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands,
then an armpit, and she even tried squeezing' it between her knees, but still nothing.
The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?'
The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.'




"If you're not gonna be a part of a civil society, then just get in your car and drive on over to the East Side.." Cosmo Kramer
"Giddy-up!" --Kramer
"Lets make some music, make some money, find some models for wives...."MGMT
If your dog won't jump off a dock, it is just a mutt

ozarkmountaindockdogs@gmail.com

Old Post 04-08-08 05:05 AM
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31bullets
FoxDen Hall of Famer

Registered: Nov 2006
Posts: 4381

Why rednecks are not paramedics



A couple of rednecks are out in the Tenn. woods hunting when Bubba suddenly grabs his chest and falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head.



Billy Bob whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "I think Bubba is dead! What should I do?"



The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy and follow my instructions. First, let's make sure he's dead."



There is a silence.......and then a shot is heard.



The guy's voice comes back on the line,



"Okay, now what?"




"If you're not gonna be a part of a civil society, then just get in your car and drive on over to the East Side.." Cosmo Kramer
"Giddy-up!" --Kramer
"Lets make some music, make some money, find some models for wives...."MGMT
If your dog won't jump off a dock, it is just a mutt

ozarkmountaindockdogs@gmail.com

Old Post 04-08-08 05:51 PM
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31bullets
FoxDen Hall of Famer

Registered: Nov 2006
Posts: 4381

A six year old goes to the hospital with his grandma to visit his
grandpa.

When they get to the hospital, he runs ahead of his grandma and
bursts into his grandpa's room.

'Grandpa, Grandpa,' he says excitedly, 'as soon as Grandma comes into
the room, make a noise like a frog!'

'What?' said his grandpa.

'Make a noise like a frog because grandma said that as soon as you
croak... we're going to Disneyland!!!'




"If you're not gonna be a part of a civil society, then just get in your car and drive on over to the East Side.." Cosmo Kramer
"Giddy-up!" --Kramer
"Lets make some music, make some money, find some models for wives...."MGMT
If your dog won't jump off a dock, it is just a mutt

ozarkmountaindockdogs@gmail.com

Old Post 04-08-08 10:27 PM
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tdbabe
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Registered: Oct 2003
Posts: 7262

Oh man, that was cruel. lol




Please view this site. Donations of any kind are always appreciated by these brave people.

http://www.anysoldier.com/index.cfm

America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the Mall. If you don't stand behind our troops, PLEASE feel free to stand in front of them!

Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

Old Post 04-09-08 12:10 AM
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31bullets
FoxDen Hall of Famer

Registered: Nov 2006
Posts: 4381

tdbabe...you need logan to do that to hubby....

that ought to be enough to get me evicted out of your driveway...LMAO....




"If you're not gonna be a part of a civil society, then just get in your car and drive on over to the East Side.." Cosmo Kramer
"Giddy-up!" --Kramer
"Lets make some music, make some money, find some models for wives...."MGMT
If your dog won't jump off a dock, it is just a mutt

ozarkmountaindockdogs@gmail.com

Old Post 04-09-08 12:24 AM
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tdbabe
StatFox Hall of Famer

Registered: Oct 2003
Posts: 7262

It's getting bad out there Chris.........

I went into the gas station today and
asked for five dollars worth of gas...

The clerk farted and gave me a receipt.




Please view this site. Donations of any kind are always appreciated by these brave people.

http://www.anysoldier.com/index.cfm

America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the Mall. If you don't stand behind our troops, PLEASE feel free to stand in front of them!

Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

Old Post 04-09-08 12:31 AM
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tdbabe
StatFox Hall of Famer

Registered: Oct 2003
Posts: 7262

A WOMAN'S POEM:

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door.
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.

A MAN'S POEM:

I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac with
huge boobs who owns a bar on a golf course,
and loves to send me fishing and drinking. This
doesn't rhyme and I don't give a sh*t.

The End




Please view this site. Donations of any kind are always appreciated by these brave people.

http://www.anysoldier.com/index.cfm

America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the Mall. If you don't stand behind our troops, PLEASE feel free to stand in front of them!

Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

Old Post 04-09-08 08:15 PM
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Bytore
FoxDen Hall of Famer

Registered: Jan 2003
Posts: 15319

I totally like the man song. lol!!!




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zgja26eNeY&feature=related




"Today's Tom Sawyer, he gets high on you
And the space he invades, he gets by on you..."

RUSH

Old Post 04-09-08 08:28 PM
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31bullets
FoxDen Hall of Famer

Registered: Nov 2006
Posts: 4381

See there Carol....

opposites do attract...LOL




"If you're not gonna be a part of a civil society, then just get in your car and drive on over to the East Side.." Cosmo Kramer
"Giddy-up!" --Kramer
"Lets make some music, make some money, find some models for wives...."MGMT
If your dog won't jump off a dock, it is just a mutt

ozarkmountaindockdogs@gmail.com

Old Post 04-10-08 02:21 AM
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tdbabe
StatFox Hall of Famer

Registered: Oct 2003
Posts: 7262

An old man goes into a chemist to buy some Viagra.


'Can I have 6 tablets, cut in quarters?'


'I can cut them for you' said the chemist 'but a quarter tablet will not give you a full erection.'


'I am 96' said the old man . 'I don't want an erection. I just want it sticking out far enough so I don't pee on my slippers.'




Please view this site. Donations of any kind are always appreciated by these brave people.

http://www.anysoldier.com/index.cfm

America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the Mall. If you don't stand behind our troops, PLEASE feel free to stand in front of them!

Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

Old Post 04-10-08 03:05 AM
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tdbabe
StatFox Hall of Famer

Registered: Oct 2003
Posts: 7262

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school
reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken woman swigging
her drink, as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, "Do you know her?"

"Yes," I sighed. "She's my old girlfriend. I understand
she started drinking right after we split up those many
years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" says my wife. "Who would think a person could
go on celebrating that long?"




Please view this site. Donations of any kind are always appreciated by these brave people.

http://www.anysoldier.com/index.cfm

America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the Mall. If you don't stand behind our troops, PLEASE feel free to stand in front of them!

Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

Old Post 04-10-08 06:06 AM
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31bullets
FoxDen Hall of Famer

Registered: Nov 2006
Posts: 4381

When Cardboard Men Come In Handy

A car gets a flat on the interstate one day. The blonde driver eases it over onto the
shoulder of the road, carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk.

She takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the
vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing
their nude bodies and private parts to approaching drivers.

Not surprisingly, the traffic becomes snarled and backed up.

It isn't very long before a police car arrives. The officer, clearly enraged, approaches the
blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling,

'What's going on here?'

'My car broke down, officer' says the woman calmly.

'Well, what the hell are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?' he asks.

'Helllooooooo!!!!' says the blonde. 'Those are my emergency flashers!'




"If you're not gonna be a part of a civil society, then just get in your car and drive on over to the East Side.." Cosmo Kramer
"Giddy-up!" --Kramer
"Lets make some music, make some money, find some models for wives...."MGMT
If your dog won't jump off a dock, it is just a mutt

ozarkmountaindockdogs@gmail.com

Old Post 04-11-08 01:12 AM
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tdbabe
StatFox Hall of Famer

Registered: Oct 2003
Posts: 7262

I am blonde, and I have a cardboard standup. Maybe I will put him in my trunk for emergencies.

Only problem, it's of Pat Riley in a suit. Maybe people will stop for autographs? lol




Please view this site. Donations of any kind are always appreciated by these brave people.

http://www.anysoldier.com/index.cfm

America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the Mall. If you don't stand behind our troops, PLEASE feel free to stand in front of them!

Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

Old Post 04-11-08 01:42 AM
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Riverfish
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Registered: Dec 2006
Posts: 2913

Mexican Oysters

A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Mexico ..
While sipping his tequila,he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?" The waiter replied,"Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are called Cojones de Toro, bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!" The cowboy said, "What the heck, bring me an order."The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy." The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday." The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull, he wins.




My YouTube Channel

Old Post 04-11-08 01:47 AM
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31bullets
FoxDen Hall of Famer

Registered: Nov 2006
Posts: 4381

carol...motorists would run him over..LOL...

david...trust me..the bull will not win this weekend...LMAO...




"If you're not gonna be a part of a civil society, then just get in your car and drive on over to the East Side.." Cosmo Kramer
"Giddy-up!" --Kramer
"Lets make some music, make some money, find some models for wives...."MGMT
If your dog won't jump off a dock, it is just a mutt

ozarkmountaindockdogs@gmail.com

Old Post 04-11-08 02:26 AM
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SliPKnuT
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Registered: Feb 2006
Posts: 2512

White cotton panties aren't the best thing in the world, but they're right next to it.

Old Post 04-11-08 05:49 AM
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SliPKnuT
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Registered: Feb 2006
Posts: 2512

A guy witnesses an accident...

http://www.chumfm.com/MorningShow/bits/march24.swf




"The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling."

Ambrose Bierce

Old Post 04-15-08 03:06 AM
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31bullets
FoxDen Hall of Famer

Registered: Nov 2006
Posts: 4381

beware the turtle...

i think not...BEWARE GRANNY...




"If you're not gonna be a part of a civil society, then just get in your car and drive on over to the East Side.." Cosmo Kramer
"Giddy-up!" --Kramer
"Lets make some music, make some money, find some models for wives...."MGMT
If your dog won't jump off a dock, it is just a mutt

ozarkmountaindockdogs@gmail.com

Old Post 04-16-08 01:04 AM
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tdbabe
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Registered: Oct 2003
Posts: 7262

especially one with an Umbrella! LOL




Please view this site. Donations of any kind are always appreciated by these brave people.

http://www.anysoldier.com/index.cfm

America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the Mall. If you don't stand behind our troops, PLEASE feel free to stand in front of them!

Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

Old Post 04-16-08 03:58 AM
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