StatFox.com - Sports Handicapping Community

The Leading Logic In Sports Handicapping

The FoxDen Forum : Powered by vBulletin version 2.3.0 The FoxDen Forum > FoxDen Lounge > Humor
Search The Fox Den Forum:

Subscribe to this Thread
Pages (32): « 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 [14] 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 »

Last Message   Next Message
    
Author
Message    Post A Reply
mikeb104
StatFox Hall of Famer

Registered: Sep 2006
Posts: 7727

Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady's after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.


"So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?" asks Farther O'Grady.


"Oh, Father," she says, "I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night."


"Oh, Mary, that's terrible," says Father O'Grady. "Tell me, did he have any last requests?"


"That he did, Father ... " says Mary.


"What did he ask, Mary?" inquires Father O'Grady.


"He said, 'Please, Mary, put down that damn gun!' "




"Not everything you read on the internet is accurate"- Abraham Lincoln

Old Post 03-17-08 02:53 PM
mikeb104 is offline Click Here to See the Profile for mikeb104 Click here to Send mikeb104 a Private Message Edit post   Report post
Chico1856
StatFox Hall of Famer

Registered: Sep 2005
Posts: 6165

A 98 year old Mother Superior at a convent in Galway Bay, Ireland was dying.

The convent's sisters all gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable. They tried giving her some warm milk to drink but she refused it.

Then one of the sisters took the glass back to the kitchen and remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift to sisters the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.

Back at Mother Superior's bed, Sister Philomina held the glass to Mother's lips. Mother drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop.

'Mother,' the sisters asked with earnest, 'please give us some wisdom before you die.'

Mother slowly raised herself on one elbow and with a slight smile, quietly whispered... "Don't sell that cow!"




http://unmetneeds.com/

LIFE: Sometimes you're the baby, sometimes you're the diaper

Old Post 03-17-08 06:09 PM
Chico1856 is offline Click Here to See the Profile for Chico1856 Click here to Send Chico1856 a Private Message Edit post   Report post
31bullets
FoxDen Hall of Famer

Registered: Nov 2006
Posts: 4381

Voted Best Joke in Ireland 2007

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life!, between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night."

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"

John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."


She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."




"If you're not gonna be a part of a civil society, then just get in your car and drive on over to the East Side.." Cosmo Kramer
"Giddy-up!" --Kramer
"Lets make some music, make some money, find some models for wives...."MGMT
If your dog won't jump off a dock, it is just a mutt

ozarkmountaindockdogs@gmail.com

Old Post 03-18-08 05:34 PM
31bullets is offline Click Here to See the Profile for 31bullets Click here to Send 31bullets a Private Message Edit post   Report post
Craiger
FoxDen Hall of Famer

Registered: Jul 2006
Posts: 4519

tdbabe

Look what you started, LOL. This thread may never die. I finally have one to offer.

You might be Taliban if you...........


1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.

2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.

3. You have more wives than teeth.

4. You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon "unclean."

5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

6. You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared Jihad against.

7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.

8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.

9. You have ever uttered the phrase, "I love what you've done with your cave."

10. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.

11. You bathe at least monthly whether necessary or not.

12. You have ever had a crush on your neighbor's goat.

Old Post 03-19-08 12:13 AM
Craiger is offline Click Here to See the Profile for Craiger Click here to Send Craiger a Private Message Edit post   Report post
Riverfish
FoxDen Hall of Famer

Registered: Dec 2006
Posts: 2913

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan! They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive!

She lives for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out “Watch that f$#king wall!”

========================================



A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room. “Where do you think you’re going?” he says. “I’m going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a blow job there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free.”

The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well. “Where do you think you going?” the wife asks. “I’m coming with you…I want to see how you survive on $800 a year!!!”

========================================



The boss had to fire somebody, and he narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack. It was an impossible decision because they were both super workers. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.

Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin.

The boss approached her and said: “Debra, I’ve never done this before but I have to lay you or Jack off.”

Debra responds by saying, "Well could you please jack-off because I have a terrible headache.




My YouTube Channel

Old Post 03-19-08 06:23 AM
Riverfish is offline Click Here to See the Profile for Riverfish Click here to Send Riverfish a Private Message Edit post   Report post
Chico1856
StatFox Hall of Famer

Registered: Sep 2005
Posts: 6165

A guy is driving around and he sees a sign in front of a house:
“Talking
Dog For Sale.” He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in
the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador retriever sitting
there.

“You talk?” he asks.
“Yes, I do,” the Lab replies.
“So, what’s your story?”

The Lab looks up and says, “Well, I discovered that I could talk when I

was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA
about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country
to
country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one
figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable
spies for eight years running.”

“But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t
getting
any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the
airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious
characters and listening in.”

“I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of
medals.”

I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.”

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for

the dog.

“Ten dollars,” the guy says.

“Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so
cheap?”

“Because he’s a liar. He never did any of that stuff.”




http://unmetneeds.com/

LIFE: Sometimes you're the baby, sometimes you're the diaper

Old Post 03-24-08 03:54 PM
Chico1856 is offline Click Here to See the Profile for Chico1856 Click here to Send Chico1856 a Private Message Edit post   Report post
Chico1856
StatFox Hall of Famer

Registered: Sep 2005
Posts: 6165

Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around Home
Depot when they collide.

The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for
my
wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my
wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."

The old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your
wife look like?"

The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 yrs old, tall, with blonde hair,
blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts,
a
halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?"

The old guy says, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."




http://unmetneeds.com/

LIFE: Sometimes you're the baby, sometimes you're the diaper

Old Post 03-27-08 04:04 PM
Chico1856 is offline Click Here to See the Profile for Chico1856 Click here to Send Chico1856 a Private Message Edit post   Report post
tdbabe
StatFox Hall of Famer

Registered: Oct 2003
Posts: 7262

LOL!




Please view this site. Donations of any kind are always appreciated by these brave people.

http://www.anysoldier.com/index.cfm

America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the Mall. If you don't stand behind our troops, PLEASE feel free to stand in front of them!

Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

Old Post 03-27-08 04:21 PM
tdbabe is offline Click Here to See the Profile for tdbabe Click here to Send tdbabe a Private Message Edit post   Report post
AngryBeavers
FoxDen Hall of Famer

Registered: Nov 2006
Posts: 1555

Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Auntie Jane in a passionate embrace.

Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother. 'Mummy, I was in the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Auntie Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Auntie Jane a big kiss, and then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Auntie Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Auntie Jane......'

At this point Mummy cut him off and said, 'Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight.'

At the dinner table that evening, Mummy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story, 'I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Auntie Jane. I went to look and he was giving Auntie Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Auntie Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, and then Auntie Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mummy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army.'

Mummy fainted!

Moral: Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt!

Old Post 03-31-08 03:15 AM
AngryBeavers is offline Click Here to See the Profile for AngryBeavers Click here to Send AngryBeavers a Private Message Edit post   Report post
tdbabe
StatFox Hall of Famer

Registered: Oct 2003
Posts: 7262

I have a roll of duct tape for little Johnny. lol




Please view this site. Donations of any kind are always appreciated by these brave people.

http://www.anysoldier.com/index.cfm

America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the Mall. If you don't stand behind our troops, PLEASE feel free to stand in front of them!

Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

Old Post 03-31-08 03:19 AM
tdbabe is offline Click Here to See the Profile for tdbabe Click here to Send tdbabe a Private Message Edit post   Report post
fallforward
FoxDen Hall of Famer

Registered: May 2007
Posts: 2688

First Time Sex

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or Family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. 'Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in! The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head
down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the Boyfriend, 'I had no idea you were this religious.

The boy turns, and whispers back, I had no idea your Father was a pharmacist.'




"Do what you can with what you have, with the time in place, in the place you are."

Old Post 03-31-08 11:41 PM
fallforward is offline Click Here to See the Profile for fallforward Click here to Send fallforward a Private Message Edit post   Report post
tdbabe
StatFox Hall of Famer

Registered: Oct 2003
Posts: 7262

LOL!!!!!!!!!!! priceless!




Please view this site. Donations of any kind are always appreciated by these brave people.

http://www.anysoldier.com/index.cfm

America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the Mall. If you don't stand behind our troops, PLEASE feel free to stand in front of them!

Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

Old Post 04-01-08 12:28 AM
tdbabe is offline Click Here to See the Profile for tdbabe Click here to Send tdbabe a Private Message Edit post   Report post
AngryBeavers
FoxDen Hall of Famer

Registered: Nov 2006
Posts: 1555

Ole Blue DW

A young cowboy from Wyoming goes off to college, but half way through
the semester, he has foolishly squandered all his money. He calls home.

'Dad,' he says, 'You won't believe what modern education is developing!
They actually have a program here in Laramie that will teach our dog, ol'
Blue how to talk!'

'That's amazing,' his Dad says. 'How do I get Ol' Blue in that program?'

'Just send him down here with $1,000' the young cowboy says. 'I'll get him
in the course.'

So, his father sends the dog and $1,000.

About two-thirds through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy
calls home.

'So how's Ol' Blue doing, son,' his father asks.

'Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm,' he says, 'but you just won't
believe this they've had such good results they have started to teach the
animals how to read!'

'Read! 'says his father, 'No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?'

'Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class.'

The money promptly arrives.

But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find
out the dog can neither talk, nor read.

So he shoots the dog.

When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited.

'Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!'

'Dad,' the boy says, 'I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just
before we left to drive home, Ol' Blue was in the living room, kicked back
in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does.

Then he turned to me and asked, 'So, is your daddy still messing' around
with that little redhead who lives in town?'

The father exclaimed, 'I hope you shot that son of a ***** before he talks
to your Mother!'

'I sure did, Dad!'

'That's my boy!'

The kid went onto be a successful lawyer

Old Post 04-02-08 03:38 AM
AngryBeavers is offline Click Here to See the Profile for AngryBeavers Click here to Send AngryBeavers a Private Message Edit post   Report post
tdbabe
StatFox Hall of Famer

Registered: Oct 2003
Posts: 7262

LOL!!!!!!!!!!




Please view this site. Donations of any kind are always appreciated by these brave people.

http://www.anysoldier.com/index.cfm

America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the Mall. If you don't stand behind our troops, PLEASE feel free to stand in front of them!

Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

Old Post 04-02-08 03:42 AM
tdbabe is offline Click Here to See the Profile for tdbabe Click here to Send tdbabe a Private Message Edit post   Report post
tdbabe
StatFox Hall of Famer

Registered: Oct 2003
Posts: 7262

The Half Wit

A man owned a small farm in Wisconsin. The Wisconsin State Wage & Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him. "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.

"Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $150 per week plus free room and board.

Then there's the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally."

"That's the guy I want to talk to --- the half-wit," says the agent.

"That would be me," replied the farmer.




Please view this site. Donations of any kind are always appreciated by these brave people.

http://www.anysoldier.com/index.cfm

America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the Mall. If you don't stand behind our troops, PLEASE feel free to stand in front of them!

Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

Old Post 04-03-08 05:10 AM
tdbabe is offline Click Here to See the Profile for tdbabe Click here to Send tdbabe a Private Message Edit post   Report post
31bullets
FoxDen Hall of Famer

Registered: Nov 2006
Posts: 4381

Redneck pickup lines

1) Did you fart? cuz you just blew me away.

2) Are yer parents retarded? cuz ya sure are special.

3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea, I can't hold it in.

4) Do you have a library card? cuz I'd like to check you out.

5) Is there a mirror in yer pants? cuz I can see myself in em.

6) If you was a tree and I were a Squirrel, I'd store my nuts in yer hole.

7) You might not be the best lookin girl here, but beauty's only a light switch away.

8) Fat Penguin................... Sorry, I just wanted to say something that would break the ice.

9) I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.

10) I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.

11) Yer eyes are as blue as winder cleaner.

12) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin', we kin sleep til' afternoon.

13) Yer face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my nuts tighten up.




"If you're not gonna be a part of a civil society, then just get in your car and drive on over to the East Side.." Cosmo Kramer
"Giddy-up!" --Kramer
"Lets make some music, make some money, find some models for wives...."MGMT
If your dog won't jump off a dock, it is just a mutt

ozarkmountaindockdogs@gmail.com

Old Post 04-06-08 03:08 AM
31bullets is offline Click Here to See the Profile for 31bullets Click here to Send 31bullets a Private Message Edit post   Report post
tdbabe
StatFox Hall of Famer

Registered: Oct 2003
Posts: 7262

Classy......LOL




Please view this site. Donations of any kind are always appreciated by these brave people.

http://www.anysoldier.com/index.cfm

America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the Mall. If you don't stand behind our troops, PLEASE feel free to stand in front of them!

Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

Old Post 04-06-08 03:12 AM
tdbabe is offline Click Here to See the Profile for tdbabe Click here to Send tdbabe a Private Message Edit post   Report post
31bullets
FoxDen Hall of Famer

Registered: Nov 2006
Posts: 4381

You You got to love this guy... This is a true story ab out a recent
wedding that took place at Clemson University . It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it.

It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests.

After the wedding, at the reception, the groo m got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd. He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding.
cid:3974235119000002@web33102.mail.mud.yahoo.com cid:3974235119000003@web33102.mail.mud.yahoo.com
He especially wanted to thank the bride's and his family and to thank
his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception.

As a token of his deep appreciation
he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him.

So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair, including the wedding party was an envelope.

He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to open their envelope.

Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man.

The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them.

After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said, 'F---you!' Then he turned to his bride and said, 'F--- you!'

Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, 'I'm outta here.'

He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning.
While most people would have canceled the wedding immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing were wrong.

His revenge--making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a 300-guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of 300 friends and family members.

This guy has balls the size of church bells.

Do you think we might get a MasterCard 'priceless' commercial out of this?

Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and friends: $32,000.

Wedding photographs commemorating the
1. Occasion: $3,000
2 . Deluxe two-week honeymoon accommodations in Maui : $8,500.
3. The look on everyone's face when they see the 8x10 glossy of the bride humping the best man: Priceless.

There are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's MASTERCARD
A Mastercard Wedding

A Mastercard Wedding

'Life isn't like a bowl
of cherries or peaches, it's more like a jar of Jalapenos--what you
do today, might burn your ass tomorrow......'




"If you're not gonna be a part of a civil society, then just get in your car and drive on over to the East Side.." Cosmo Kramer
"Giddy-up!" --Kramer
"Lets make some music, make some money, find some models for wives...."MGMT
If your dog won't jump off a dock, it is just a mutt

ozarkmountaindockdogs@gmail.com

Old Post 04-06-08 03:13 AM
31bullets is offline Click Here to See the Profile for 31bullets Click here to Send 31bullets a Private Message Edit post   Report post
tdbabe
StatFox Hall of Famer

Registered: Oct 2003
Posts: 7262

Yeah, that was pretty cruel......that guy definitely had no class. lol




Please view this site. Donations of any kind are always appreciated by these brave people.

http://www.anysoldier.com/index.cfm

America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the Mall. If you don't stand behind our troops, PLEASE feel free to stand in front of them!

Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

Old Post 04-06-08 03:19 AM
tdbabe is offline Click Here to See the Profile for tdbabe Click here to Send tdbabe a Private Message Edit post   Report post
31bullets
FoxDen Hall of Famer

Registered: Nov 2006
Posts: 4381

EIGHT EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS



1. A man comes into the ER and yells, 'My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!' I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs ---and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco

2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. 'Big breaths " , I instructed. 'Yes, they used to be,' replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle , WA

3. One day I told a wife that her husband had
died o f a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.' Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. 'Which one?' I asked. 'The patch. The Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!' I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk , VA

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, 'How long
have you been bedridden?' Aft er a look of complete confusion she answered. 'Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.' Submitted by Dr. Steve n Swanson, Corvallis , OR

6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a woman I asked, 'So how's your breakfast this morning?' 'It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste' the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.' Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit , MI

7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the
operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green , and above it there was a tattoo that read, 'Keep off the grass.' Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, 'Sorry, had to mow the lawn.' Submitted by RN no name

AND FINALLY---

8. As a new, young MD doing his residency, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment, I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, 'I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?'
She replied, 'No doctor, but the song you were whistling was, 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener'. Dr. wouldn't submit his name .




"If you're not gonna be a part of a civil society, then just get in your car and drive on over to the East Side.." Cosmo Kramer
"Giddy-up!" --Kramer
"Lets make some music, make some money, find some models for wives...."MGMT
If your dog won't jump off a dock, it is just a mutt

ozarkmountaindockdogs@gmail.com

Old Post 04-06-08 03:19 AM
31bullets is offline Click Here to See the Profile for 31bullets Click here to Send 31bullets a Private Message Edit post   Report post
Post A Reply
  
Pages (32): « 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 [14] 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 »   Last Message   Next Message

Quick Links: