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Chico1856
StatFox Hall of Famer
Registered: Sep 2005
Posts: 6165
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The Halloween Party
A husband and wife were scheduled to attend a Halloween party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the Halloween party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed; and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by her not going.
So he took his costume and away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain, and as it was still early, decided to go to the party.
As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice woman he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.
His Wife went up to him and, being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her.
She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. After more drinks he finally whispered a little proposition in her ear
and she agreed. So off they went to her car and made passionate love in the back seat.
Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed. She began to wonder what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had.
'Oh, the same old thing. You know, I never have a good time when you're not there.'
Then she asked, 'Did you dance much?'
He replied, 'I'll tell you; I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Doug, Bill, and some other guy. So we went into the spare room and played poker all evening.
'You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!' she said with unashamed sarcasm.
To which the husband replied, 'Actually, I gave my costume to your brother. He said he had the time of his life!'
http://unmetneeds.com/
LIFE: Sometimes you're the baby, sometimes you're the diaper
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10-24-07 08:03 PM |
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(_X_)-KMA
Registered: Sep 2007
Posts: 120
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:-)
Bob works hard at the plant and spends two nights each week
bowling and plays golf every Saturday. His wife thinks he's pushing
himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip
club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Bob! How ya
doin?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh no," says Bob. "He's on my bowling team.
When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual
and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly
uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"
"I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club. I
always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey."
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms
around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says, "Hi Bobby.
Want your usual table dance, big boy?"
Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the
club. Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam
the door, he jumps in beside her. Bob tries desperately to explain how
the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is
having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs,
calling him every 4-letter word in the book.
The cabby turns around and says, "Geez Bob, you picked up a real
***** this time."
The former Poster Ragtop
Registered: Orginal Forum: Circa: 7/02-Revised forum 01-09-03 Posts:5518
Exiled/Banned: 06-22-06-
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11-01-07 12:57 AM |
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Chico1856
StatFox Hall of Famer
Registered: Sep 2005
Posts: 6165
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Last May, Boudreaux married an attractive woman, Lola, half his age.
After several months, Lola complained that she had never climaxed during sex; and
according to her Grand Momma, all Cajun women are entitled to a climax once
in a while.
So, to resolve the problem, they went to see the large-animal Vet since there was
no trustworthy doctor anywhere in Mamou. The Vet didn't have a clue, but he did
recall how, during the hot summer, his Momma and Daddy would fan a cow that was
having any difficulty breeding with a big towel. This would cool her down and make
her relax.
So, the Vet told them to hire a strong virile, young man to wave a big towel over them
while they were having sex. This, the Vet said, would cause the young wife to cool
down, relax, and then climax.
So the couple hired a strong young man from the big city of Lafayette to wave that
big towel over them as the Vet suggested. After many efforts, Lola still had not c
limaxed! They went back to the Vet. The Vet said for Lola to change partners and let
the young man have sex with her while Boudreaux waved the big towel.
They tried it that night and Lola went into wild, screaming, ear-splitting climaxes, one
right after the other for about two and a half hours. When it was over, Boudreaux looked
down at the exhausted young man and in a cocky manner said,
"And dat, my friend, is how you wave a towel!"
http://unmetneeds.com/
LIFE: Sometimes you're the baby, sometimes you're the diaper
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11-02-07 09:07 PM |
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tdbabe
StatFox Hall of Famer
Registered: Oct 2003
Posts: 7262
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A manager at Wal-Mart had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening.
After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified.
He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.
The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, the interviewer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?'
Acknowledging the first man on his right, the man replied, 'A THOUGHT.' It just pops into your head. There's no warning.
'That's very good!' replied the interviewer. 'And, now you sir?', he asked the second man. 'Hmmm...let me see. 'A blink! It comes
and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.'
'Excellent!' said the interviewer. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliche for speed.' He then turned to the
third man, who was contemplating his reply.
'Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an
instant. 'Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of'
The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. 'It's hard to beat the speed
of light,' he said.
Turning to Bubba, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question. Old Bubba replied, 'After hearing
the previous three Answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.'
'WHAT!?' said the interviewer, stunned by the response. 'Oh sure', said Old Bubba. 'You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could
THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already **** my pants.'
Old Bubba is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you! You probably will think of this every time you enter a Wal-Mart from now on!....
Have a good day!!
Please view this site. Donations of any kind are always appreciated by these brave people.
http://www.anysoldier.com/index.cfm
America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the Mall. If you don't stand behind our troops, PLEASE feel free to stand in front of them!
Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.
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11-03-07 02:37 AM |
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Riverfish
FoxDen Hall of Famer
Registered: Dec 2006
Posts: 2913
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The Poker Player
Two couples were playing poker one evening. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bill's wife Sue wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress! Shocked by this, John, upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.
Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife followed and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?" Surprised by her boldness, John courageously admitted that, well indeed he did. She said, "Well, you can have it, but it will cost you $500." After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, John confirms that he is interested. She tells him that sinceher husband Bill works Friday afternoons and John doesn't, John should be at her house around 2 PM Friday afternoon. When Friday rolled around, John showed up at Bill's house at 2 PM sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500 they went to the bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed. John quickly dressed and left. As usual, Bill came home from work at 6 p.m. and upon entering the house, asked his wife abruptly. "Did John come by the house this afternoon?"
With a lump in her throat Sue answered "Why, yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon." Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, "And did he give you $500?" In terror she assumed that somehow he had found out and after mustering her best poker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500! " Bill, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, "Good, I was hoping he did. John came by the office this morning and borrowed $500 from me. He promised me he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back."
Now THAT, my friends, is a poker player.
My YouTube Channel
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11-11-07 02:26 AM |
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