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777


Registered: Nov 2014
Posts: 20

Little Levity

My friend is having money issues, he gets nervous when the collectors call

I said let me ease your stress,

I'll handle the next call or 2 while we're hanging out

Just then the phone rings it's the mortgage company
The guy says
"We haven't seen a payment in 2 months"
I replied
"Listen If you want to live a happy life
You need to Stop Living in the Past"

No Sooner do I hang up from that call Than Macy's Department Store calls
"The Collector says if we don't see a payment
We are going to bring suit
I said well then
You better bring one to match the Pants because my friend is still out of work

I grew up in a rough neighborhood
at the Library the sign did not say "Quite Please"
It said "Shut the **** up"

My Doctor is Crazy
He Prescribed sleeping pills
HE TOLD ME TO TAKE 2 WHEN I WAKE UP

He gave me a blood test & electrocardiogram
I said how do I stand?
He said that's whats got me puzzled!

I said Doc
I wake up in the morning go in the Bathroom
I look in the mirror i get nausious,
I just want to throw up
Whats wrong with me?
He said I don't know
BUT YOUR EYESIGHT IS PERFECT

I went to his office with my girlfriend,
I told her to wait in the waiting room , and went to speak to him in private

I said I think she may have VENERAL DISEASE

HE GAVE HIMSELF A SHOT!!

I should have known she was cheating,
every time i come home
The Parriot squaks
QUICK OUT THE WINDOW!

She cut me down on Sex to once a week.
I shouldn't feel bad
A couple of guys I know
She cut out altogether

At the Doctors office he said it's time to get a Colon exam
he told me it's no problem, go in the exam room

Nurse came in with a 5 foot long pole!

I said Wait a minute,

What the hell do you intend to do with that

She said,

Relax I am just going to look around

I SAID FOR WHAT A PARKING SPACE?

She said no , for Blood

I said if you use that

I CAN MAKE A PREDICTION RIGHT NOW

She said calm down, you may feel a little pressure

I said YEA i DO. THE ROOF OF MY MOUTH TAKE IT OUT!!

He said Sam before you leave
I'll need a
sperm sample,
a urine sample
and a stool sample
I SAID WHY DON'T I JUST LEAVE YOU MY UNDERWEAR

On the next visit he said Sam Oh by the way
Sam I sure it was a bank error
but last time your were here your check came back

I said so did my Rash,
Do you see me complaining?

He says OK Give the Girl $400 for the vist and we'll get started
I said I did not bring any money with me
He says You don't have cash with you
I said NO
No Credit Cards? No,
No checks with you No

He says you know Im the Most expensive MD in Town because I only cater to few
We have never had an issue
but I am running a Business
Don't take this the wrong way but If you don't have money
you should go to a clinic

I SAID WHEN IT COMES TO MY HEALTH
MONEY IS NO OBJECT!!

He says your funny ok we'll straighten out next time

I said I hope so I think I getting Lumbago

He says ok enough kidding,
I'll need to get that Sperm Sample
Here is a Cup and and a old Porno Magazine
Go into Exam ROOM#1 and get me a sample, then you can go home

I accidentally Go into room #2 And was Shocked to interrupt
This Blonde Nurse administering Oral sex to this Patient
apparently also to get a Sperm Sample

I Ran Back to the Doctor and said
how come he's getting the Natural Method for a Sperm Count
and you give me the Home Depot Do it Yourself Plan??

HE SAYS HE'S ON THE GOLD PLAN

YOUR ON HMO

Old Post 09-08-17 06:50 PM
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