The Leading Logic In Sports Handicapping
Registered: Nov 2014
My friend is having money issues, he gets nervous when the collectors call
I said let me ease your stress,
I'll handle the next call or 2 while we're hanging out
Just then the phone rings it's the mortgage company
The guy says
"We haven't seen a payment in 2 months"
"Listen If you want to live a happy life
You need to Stop Living in the Past"
No Sooner do I hang up from that call Than Macy's Department Store calls
"The Collector says if we don't see a payment
We are going to bring suit
I said well then
You better bring one to match the Pants because my friend is still out of work
I grew up in a rough neighborhood
at the Library the sign did not say "Quite Please"
It said "Shut the **** up"
My Doctor is Crazy
He Prescribed sleeping pills
HE TOLD ME TO TAKE 2 WHEN I WAKE UP
He gave me a blood test & electrocardiogram
I said how do I stand?
He said that's whats got me puzzled!
I said Doc
I wake up in the morning go in the Bathroom
I look in the mirror i get nausious,
I just want to throw up
Whats wrong with me?
He said I don't know
BUT YOUR EYESIGHT IS PERFECT
I went to his office with my girlfriend,
I told her to wait in the waiting room , and went to speak to him in private
I said I think she may have VENERAL DISEASE
HE GAVE HIMSELF A SHOT!!
I should have known she was cheating,
every time i come home
The Parriot squaks
QUICK OUT THE WINDOW!
She cut me down on Sex to once a week.
I shouldn't feel bad
A couple of guys I know
She cut out altogether
At the Doctors office he said it's time to get a Colon exam
he told me it's no problem, go in the exam room
Nurse came in with a 5 foot long pole!
I said Wait a minute,
What the hell do you intend to do with that
Relax I am just going to look around
I SAID FOR WHAT A PARKING SPACE?
She said no , for Blood
I said if you use that
I CAN MAKE A PREDICTION RIGHT NOW
She said calm down, you may feel a little pressure
I said YEA i DO. THE ROOF OF MY MOUTH TAKE IT OUT!!
He said Sam before you leave
I'll need a
a urine sample
and a stool sample
I SAID WHY DON'T I JUST LEAVE YOU MY UNDERWEAR
On the next visit he said Sam Oh by the way
Sam I sure it was a bank error
but last time your were here your check came back
I said so did my Rash,
Do you see me complaining?
He says OK Give the Girl $400 for the vist and we'll get started
I said I did not bring any money with me
He says You don't have cash with you
I said NO
No Credit Cards? No,
No checks with you No
He says you know Im the Most expensive MD in Town because I only cater to few
We have never had an issue
but I am running a Business
Don't take this the wrong way but If you don't have money
you should go to a clinic
I SAID WHEN IT COMES TO MY HEALTH
MONEY IS NO OBJECT!!
He says your funny ok we'll straighten out next time
I said I hope so I think I getting Lumbago
He says ok enough kidding,
I'll need to get that Sperm Sample
Here is a Cup and and a old Porno Magazine
Go into Exam ROOM#1 and get me a sample, then you can go home
I accidentally Go into room #2 And was Shocked to interrupt
This Blonde Nurse administering Oral sex to this Patient
apparently also to get a Sperm Sample
I Ran Back to the Doctor and said
how come he's getting the Natural Method for a Sperm Count
and you give me the Home Depot Do it Yourself Plan??
HE SAYS HE'S ON THE GOLD PLAN
YOUR ON HMO
09-08-17 06:50 PM