>
> A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.
>
> The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"
>
> He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."
>
> "OK, have you ever been in the military service?"
>
> "Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for one tour."
>
> The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward
> employment." Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
>
> The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles."
>
> The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay. You've got enough
> points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am
> to 4:00 PM. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting
> at 10:00 am every day."
>
> The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00
> pm, why don't you want me here until 10:00 am?"
>
> "This is a government job", the interviewer says. "For the first two
> hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls.
> No point in you coming in for that.

God visited a woman and told her she must give up smoking,

drinking and unmarried sex if she wants to get into Heaven.

The woman said she would try her best.

God visited the woman a week later to see how she was doing.

"Not bad," said the woman, "I've given up smoking and drinking

but then I bent over to get some stuff out of the freezer and my

boyfriend caught sight of my long slender legs in high heels, he

pulled up my skirt, pulled my panties to one side and made love

to me right then and there.”

"They don't like that in Heaven," said God.

The woman replied:

"They're weren't too happy about it at Costco either!"